Tips to Communicate Respectfully, Even When You Disagree

 

With any disagreement, any negative interaction, we have the power to choose our responses. Responding respectfully can strengthen our relationships and build closer connections.

 

Breathe and take a time out

Take a moment to remember that while you may not be able to control the emotion you feel in response to someone’s words or behavior, you can control your response to that emotion.

 

Listen Carefully

People often think they’re listening, but are really thinking about what they’re going to say next when the other person stops talking. Truly effective communication goes both ways. While it might be difficult, try really listening to what your partner is saying. Don’t interrupt. Don’t get defensive.

 

Adopt a calm tone of voice

 

Try to See other people's point of view 

In a conflict, most of us primarily want to feel heard and understood. We talk a lot about our point of view to get the other person to see things our way. Ironically, if we all do this all the time, there’s little focus on the other person’s point of view, and nobody feels understood. Try to really see the other side, and then you can better explain yours. Start your sentences with ' I understand that...'

 

 

Admit it  when you’re wrong

If you both share some responsibility in a conflict (which is usually the case), look for and admit to what’s yours. It diffuses the situation, sets a good example, and shows maturity. It also often inspires the other person to respond in kind, leading you both closer to mutual understanding and a solution.

 

Use “I” messages

Rather than saying things like, “You really messed up here,” begin statements with “I”, and make them about yourself and your feelings, like, “I feel frustrated when this happens.” It’s less accusatory, sparks less defensiveness, and helps the other person understand your point of view rather than feeling attacked.

 

Look for a compromise instead of trying to ‘win’ the argument

Look for solutions that meet everybody’s needs. Either through compromise, or a new solution that gives you both what you want most, this focus is much more effective than one person getting what they want at the other’s expense.

 

Agree to disagree

Disagreements do not always resolve in complete understanding. Sometimes time, circumstances, or attitude mean that we will not see eye to eye. But disagreement does not need to mean conflict – we can be respectful and supportive in other ways.